


Goodbye

by foxthefanboi



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Winchester Has Abandonment Issues, First Kiss, M/M, Pre-Season/Series 01, Sad and Sweet, Sam Winchester Leaves for Stanford
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:54:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26081500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxthefanboi/pseuds/foxthefanboi
Summary: Sam leaves for good after the Stanford argument with his dad. Dean can't stop him from leaving - he can only say goodbye.
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester
Comments: 3
Kudos: 27





	Goodbye

Dean couldn’t stand it when Sam and Dad fought, but this time was worse than anything he’d seen before. He stood quietly nearby, watching the drama unfold in front of him and feeling his stomach sinking.

“You should be happy for me,” Sam said.

“Happy? Happy that you’re abandoning me and your brother? Happy that you’re giving up the job, the responsibility, I’ve trained you for your whole life?” John’s voice was raised, and the two of them were right in each other’s faces as they argued.

“I never asked for this,” Sam said. His voice was ice. “I never wanted to be a hunter, Dad.”

John grit his teeth, his eyes never leaving Sam’s. “If you want to go so badly, then go. But don’t come back.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t,” Sam growled. He picked up his backpack and stormed to the door of the ancient house they were staying in, opening it and slamming it behind him with a bang. John stood there, jaw clenched hard as he took deep, angry breaths.

Dean looked away, his breath caught in his throat. _Don’t come back_. He rarely felt angry at his father, but he could feel fury rising within him now. His hands curled into fists, his nails digging deep into his palms. Dad had pushed Sam not only out of his own life, but out of Dean’s as well.

“Dad, what the hell did you do?”

“You heard him, Dean. He doesn’t want to be here.”

 _Have you ever considered that you’re the reason why?_ Dean bit back the retort. “I’ll be right back,” Dean said instead, heading for the door.

John grabbed his arm as he walked past. “Don’t,” he said.

He wasn’t going to listen to his father, not this time. He pulled his arm away. “I’m going,” he said. He needed to find Sammy before he was gone forever.

Sam was halfway to the bend in the road by the time Dean got outside. Dean took a deep breath and jogged to catch up with him.

“Sammy,” he said when he reached his brother, putting his hand on Sam’s shoulder.

Sam pulled away and glared at Dean.

“I’m leaving, Dean.” His voice was low and raw, but steady. “You heard Dad.”

“Sam. Please,” he pleaded. He met Sam’s eyes, barely visible in the darkness, and searched them for any sign of doubt about leaving. There was none. “Please. I need you.”

Sam stared right back at Dean, his gaze firm.“I’m sorry. But I can’t stay.”

“Please.” Dean’s eyes prickled with tears. He wasn’t enough. As usual. He’d been a good little soldier for Dad his entire life, but he’d never been told he was doing a good job, never been thanked for taking care of his brother even when he was still a child himself. But that had been okay, because watching out for Sammy gave him a purpose that kept him going.

And though he still needed someone to protect, still needed Sam, it was clear Sam didn’t need him.

“I can’t,” Sam repeated.

Dean hung his head, blinking quickly to compose himself before looking back up at Sam. He knew he couldn’t stop Sam. Now he could only say goodbye.

He pulled his brother into a hug, holding him tight. Sam hesitated, then squeezed Dean back. Dean closed his eyes, only the feeling of his brother in his arms holding back the despair that was threatening to overwhelm him.

Dean let go. “Bye, Sammy,” he said softly.

Sam smiled sadly at him. “Bye, Dean.”

Sam turned to leave, but it struck Dean that that wasn’t the goodbye he wanted, not the one he _needed_. He grabbed Sam’s hand and pulled Sam back towards him until they were inches apart.

Sam looked down at him with a questioning look. “What…?”

Dean’s heart thumped loud in his chest as he continued to hold Sam’s hand in his. He leaned in tentatively, his eyes fixed on Sam’s and searching for any sign of hesitance or disgust. Instead he found only a soft curiosity, so Dean pressed in further until his breath mingled with Sam’s.

And then Dean kissed him.

Sam kissed Dean back, his hand sliding up to the nape of Dean’s neck, holding him close. Tears welled up in Dean’s eyes, running down his face until they collided with Sam’s skin. This felt just right, just what he needed, and he wished that they could stay forever in this moment, lips locked and holding each other close. No Stanford, no hunting, just each other.

Sam pulled away. He cupped Dean’s face in both his hands, brushing the tears away gently with his thumbs. “I’m sorry, Dean,” he said softly. He pressed one last kiss to Dean’s forehead, squeezed Dean’s hand, and then turned around and started walking, continuing on his way away from his family. Away from Dean.

Dean turned to watch him go until he was out of sight. Sam didn’t look back, not once. Dean wiped away the fresh tears, but that didn’t hold them back for long. As the growing sense of loss washed over him, he sunk to his knees on the side of the road and let the tears fall.


End file.
